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Title: Snow Had Fallen Snow on Snow
Author: penknife
Recipient: hugglewolf
Pairing: John/Ronon
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the copyright holders, not to me.
Author's Notes: Thanks to p0wdermonkey for beta reading!
Summary: This wasn't exactly how John was hoping to spend the holidays.

Snow Had Fallen Snow on SnowCollapse )

Comments

( 76 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
rabidfan
Dec. 14th, 2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
You have the "voices" just right! Very nice indeed.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
bluflamingo
Dec. 14th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
This is really lovely, especially the end, and I love, love, love Lorne's snarky, friendly appearance, it's my favourite way to see him written.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Lorne is always fun.
bionic
Dec. 15th, 2009 07:06 pm (UTC)
Aww, this was wonderful and lovely!
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
elynross
Dec. 16th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC)
I really, really enjoyed this, particularly your characterization of Ronon. And I like the way it went from "not going to happen" in Ronon's PoV to "omg HAPPENING" in John's. For some reason, I like not being in Ronon's head when he decides to go for it. *g* And I enjoyed the development of the hockey/skating metaphor throughout, it was really nicely done.

Favorite bits:

If wishes were rain, they'd fill the sea, he can hear his mother saying, and in the distance he can hear the murmur of the waves.


This is just lovely, lovely, and so poignant.

"And people say I'm reckless."
"About everything but this."
"Yeah," John says slowly. He wants to be. There's some trick to it, like pushing out onto the ice and trusting your own momentum to take you where you want to go.

I really like the contrast you show between Ronon and John, that while John is physically reckless, he's not, emotionally, but he wants to be.

This bit shows another lovely bit of contrast:

"It can't be this easy," he says, and then wishes he hadn't, because he doesn't want Ronon to tell him that it's not.
"Not everything has to be hard," Ronon says instead, and John closes his eyes.


John wants to make things more complicated than they have to be, while Ronon is much more direct, cutting through those complications.

And this was just really funny. *g*:

"If I tell you what it is, it won't be a surprise."
"Is it dangerous?"
"Would I get you something that wasn't dangerous?"


Thank you, anonymous author!
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

For some reason, I like not being in Ronon's head when he decides to go for it. *g*

I'm glad that worked! I questioned that a little when I was writing, but I really wanted the actual sex scene from John's point of view, so I'm glad it worked for you.

John wants to make things more complicated than they have to be, while Ronon is much more direct, cutting through those complications.

I think John generally makes things more complicated than they have to be.
beachlass
Dec. 16th, 2009 04:22 am (UTC)
Oh wow. This is so in character and believable, and it makes my heart ache and then fall in love with these boys all over again.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
bironic
Dec. 18th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
This is one of my two favorites in the 'fest so far. Really wonderful characterization and dialogue -- nobody goes for the obvious reply -- and I could sink into Ronon's well-worn acceptance of loss without brokenness and the somber thoughts on John growing older.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it.
skieswideopen
Dec. 19th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)
This is quite lovely! Your Ronon voice is great. I love his take on Christmas and Christmas cookies. And I love John's uncertainty at the end, when he's not quite sure what Ronon wants.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
esteefee
Dec. 20th, 2009 07:05 am (UTC)
Oh God, I love this so, so much. Like a wave of pure gold. You captured them both so well. And their faltering steps were such fragile perfection.

It's more like watching him play out on the ice, saving up pictures in his head against some colder future.

Oh, *Ronon*.

"And people say I'm reckless."

"About everything but this."

"Yeah," John says slowly. He wants to be. There's some trick to it, like pushing out onto the ice and trusting your own momentum to take you where you want to go.


!!!

You don't have to ask, Ronon wants to say, but he knows that John does. He wants to wrap his arms around John and bear him down against the mattress and prove to him that he's not about to let go.

::dies a little::

So, I'm not your recipient but I felt like you wrote this just for me. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.





penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
the_shoshanna
Dec. 24th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
[here via dragojustine's rec]

This is just lovely. Your Ronon voice is terrific, and I ache for John; the whole story is poignantly beautiful.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
michelel72
Jan. 1st, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC)
This works really well — Ronon is just perfect, and John is very true, reckless in every way but one.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 07:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
dreamiflame
Jan. 1st, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow. I love the way you write John and Ronon.
penknife
Jan. 1st, 2010 09:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
kristen999
Jan. 2nd, 2010 02:54 am (UTC)
This is such a perfect balance of character voices, longing, playfulness and hotness. I love the hockey game and John's thoughts about middle age, and his conversation with Lorne was made of all sorts of awesome. I have this lovely image of John playing the guitar at holidays and everyone just loose limbed and happy.

The scene in Ronon's room was perfect, not going down the path of sex while under the influence of narcotics which I'm not a fan of. What I am a fan of is this:


"That's good," John says, his eyes closing. He curls in warm, and Ronon wraps his arm carefully around John's waist. He'll have to untangle himself eventually, because if he goes to sleep like that he'll hurt John the first time he moves, but there's no reason he can't stay like that for a while, so he does, with John a warm sleeping weight in his arms.

Wonderful imagery.
penknife
Jan. 2nd, 2010 09:54 am (UTC)
Thanks!

The scene in Ronon's room was perfect, not going down the path of sex while under the influence of narcotics which I'm not a fan of.

Yeah, I hit that part of the story and decided I just couldn't write that and keep this a sweet story rather than an edgy one. I'm glad the way I ended up going with it works for you.
julia_here
Jan. 2nd, 2010 04:43 am (UTC)
Oh, just fine, this, fine as frog fuzz as they say.

Julia, not a ship I take to naturlly, most of the time, but one of my favorites to be persuaded to
penknife
Jan. 2nd, 2010 09:50 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
half_elf_lost
Jan. 3rd, 2010 04:42 am (UTC)
Lovely job. This just about sums up your John for me:

"It can't be this easy," he says, and then wishes he hadn't, because he doesn't want Ronon to tell him that it's not.

"Not everything has to be hard," Ronon says instead, and John closes his eyes.


Thank goodness John finally lets go. :)
penknife
Jan. 5th, 2010 12:33 am (UTC)
Thank you! Ronon's good for him.
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( 76 comments — Leave a comment )

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