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Fic: Dreams Are Never As They Seem (McKay/Sheppard, implied Keller/McKay, NC-17)

Title: Dreams Are Never As They Seem
Author: abrokencompass
Recipient: darkmoore
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, implied Mckay/Keller
Rating: R-NC-17
Word count: ~3,000
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or anything to do with the Stargate franchise. I only wish to play in their playground. The title is taken from the song "Fireflies" by Owl City.
Author's Notes: The request called for a McShep first time angsty fic with a happy ending. Unfortunately, I took this as a pinch hit and only had three days to write it, and when I took the challenge, all I had to start off was McShep angst, so I came up with this. It's not first time fic, darkmoore but I hope you like it all the same. I tried to get the angst in there, and there's definitely a happy ending. I don't really know how the sex scene went though, as it was my first try. Sorry this isn't very long, but if you end up liking this, I would be more than willing to expand on this with a prequel or sequel if you so wish. I hope you like it either way, and happy holidays!

Summary: It's the twentieth time that John Sheppard has found himself in a cell, but it's the first time that his faith in his inevitable rescue has failed him.

00

The cell, which is really more of a box, is cold, damp, and moldy. It also sits in complete darkness, which makes keeping track of all the critters currently occupying the area hard to keep track of. Something brushes his pant leg, and it's only his twenty years of service that keep him from screaming at the feel.

Of course, all of that takes back seat when the door opens, the light from the hallway creating a backdrop for the figure standing in the doorway. This man, John knows from experience, is not a nice man. In fact, whenever this man comes around, it means that John has immediate pain in store for his near future.

**

John braces himself for the blow to the face not a moment too soon. As it is, he's almost sent on his back, still attached to the chair, by the force of the blow. This guy has super human strength that would probably give Ronon a run for his money. John wondered if his name was Thor. Or Juggernaut. Probably Juggernaut.

But John was digressing, even in his own mind. No matter how much burying yourself in your subconscious might help to dull the pain, John had to remain alert, on the off chance an opportunity came for him to get himself out of this mess. After all, who knew when the others would get here. Or even if they would at all.

It was hard to admit, but lately John had lost a lot of his faith in the people he trusted most. Okay, so not so much Teyla or Ronon. Really just Rodney.

Rodney.

The pain of thinking about his once-best friend and something more almost hurt worse than the blows to his body. The way things had ended...

John had been sitting in his room, reading the latest gold magazine to come in on the Deadalus, when Rodney showed up. It was a surprise, as Rodney usually radioed him if he was coming over, and they tended to reserve their time together in their rooms for the evening, when they could get away with being together without interruptions. John wasn't going to look a gift-horse in the mouth however, and he let Rodney in immediately.

"Look," Rodney started, and he looked completely calm, with the exception of the slight shake in his voice, and the way he wouldn't meet John's eyes. "Ever since I recovered from that parasite that was trying to steal my sizeable intellect, I've been spending more time with Jennifer."

John felt his heart drop to his feet, and he could've sworn that the temperature dropped ten degrees. He'd been expecting this, if he was honest with him, but that didn't mean he hadn't hoped with everything he had that his intuition was wrong. Just once he'd wanted the happy ending. Just once he'd wanted to be enough.

"...and we have a date set for this evening. It's our third date-" Well that was a surprise for John, "and I think tonight might be the night that we take the next step. Obviously, weekend nights were usually reserved for our...activities, but as this night with Jennifer might hopefully spawn more nights with Jennifer, I don't think it'd be fair to her to keep doing this...thing...with you. So I just wanted to make that clear, so there was no confusion. I hope that's okay, but it's not like this was ever anything more than stress relief for either one of us, right? And you'll be able to find someone new for that in no time. You're Kirk, after all."

It had been more for John. It had been a lot more. It had been everything. But there was no point in alerting Rodney to this fact, so John plastered on a smile and some word or reassurance.

"Great, then I'm going to go get ready for my date. I've got some new ancient artifacts for you to try out and play with, so I'll radio you tomorrow when it's time for you to come down. See you later."

And then he was gone.

All of John's visions for a happy future were killed that day.

And it didn't help that he'd been forced to watch daily as Rodney and Jennifer grew closer and closer. At first it hadn't been so bad, they'd been low key about the whole thing, and Rodney remained his friend, still hung out during team nights. Slowly, however, that all changed, until the only time John saw Rodney outside of missions was at the mess, where he was inevitably with Jennifer. Team nights shrunk to three people, John taught Ronon how to drive the remote controlled cars so that he wouldn't be alone, and any expeditions around the city he took were with Zelenka these days. The pier that John had thought of as his and Rodney's for what seemed like forever, sat cold and desolate these days. John had gone out there only once before realizing it wasn't the same. It hurt too much.

Slowly but surely, John lost not only his love, but his best friend. And now, when before he'd been able to sit back and relax while he waited for his team to come and get him, for Rodney to pull some amazingly impossibly feat to break him out, John had to admit that he had his doubts. Sure, Ronon and Teyla would do whatever they could do bring him back, he knew that. But Rodney...well Rodney had been on a "vacation" with Jennifer at the time of his capture, and John wasn't sure if Rodney would cut his vacation short just because Atlantis had an emergency. Maybe before, but John wasn't anyone special anymore. He was just John. Colonel Sheppard.

He was screwed.

The next punch John receive sends him into oblivion.

**

The rumbling of an explosion brought him out of the semi-conscious state he'd been in, and John pushed himself to his feet, balancing on his good leg as he strained to hear the sound again.

Another deep rumbling sound followed after a few seconds, and John felt himself start to smile, uncaring of the cut that reopened on his lip. That was definitely the sound of mortar fire.

The cavalry was here.

Minutes later, John watched as the heavy door was opened from the outside, revealing Ronon and Teyla, as well as Lorne. All three faces drop into relief at the sight of John.

"Colonel Sheppard," Teyla said, he voice conveying the relief on her face. "It is good to see you are alive and well."

"Well, in a manner of speaking, maybe," John grinned.

"This is all nice and touching, but do you people think we can move this along a little faster, so that we actually all get back alive?" came a voice from behind Ronon and Lorne. Sheppard felt his eyes widen slightly as he recognized Rodney's voice. Apparently he'd underestimated him.

"Hey Rodney."

Rodney rolled his eyes as Ronon walked forward to sling one of John's arms around his shoulders, revealing Rodney.

"Alright people, let's move," Lorne yelled from the doorway. John braced himself as he and Ronon began to move forward, flanked by the rest of he group.

He was going home.

**

John was lying on his bed the next day, attempting to sleep and recover, when Rodney barged through his door without bothering to knock.

"Okay, so what's going on?" Rodney demanded.

John brought his head up off of the pillow long enough to give Rodney an incredulous before dropping back down to stare at the ceiling. "What are you talking about? I'm trying to sleep here. Recovering hostage here!"

Rodney waved him off. "I'm talking about you not talking to me. Or avoiding me, whatever. You look like I killed your cat! Okay, so maybe not your cat, because I don't even know if you like cats. You look like a tore your surfboard or skateboard up into tiny little pieces and made a fire out of them!"

John snorted as he brought himself to a sitting position on the bed. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb with me, we both know that you know what I'm talking about," Rodney argued.

John merely raised an eyebrow, and Rodney huffed in annoyance. "What's going on John. I'm serious. You've been acting weird for the last few months."

John rubbed a hand over his face as he tried to think of an excuse to give Rodney. There was no way he was going to tell Rodney the truth, but it was obvious that he had to think of something to get Rodney off his back. It shouldn't be too hard, Rodney could be quite oblivious when he wanted to be.

Except for those times when he wasn't. "A few months... right around the time we stopped our...whatever. But that doesn't make any sense, right? It's just a coincidence, because it was just fun, it didn't mean anything...right?"

John could hear the uncertainty in Rodney's voice, the doubt present, but suspicion gaining ground. It really was an easy conclusion to draw. Obvious, really, when you thought about it.

"John?"

John brought his eyes up to meet Rodney's. Rodney's eyes were wide with surprise, and they practically fell out of their sockets when he took in John's expression. John could imagine what Rodney was seeing, the pain that he'd been hiding finally present on his face. John was just so tired of hiding. Hiding the pain and hurt, the anger.

"John?" Rodney repeated.

John sighed. "It was more to me," he admitted.

"More?" Rodney breathed out. "But...you never said. You just let me...Jesus John!"

John shoved his hands through his hair, messing it up further in his frustration. The ability to pace would be really nice right now. The ability to run away even better. Stupid broken leg.

"What was I supposed to do?" he asked in frustration. "You came in, telling me that you'd been seeing Keller, and were breaking up with me, and you obviously didn't care. What was I supposed to do? Lay my heart on the line so you could crush it even further?"

"I...I didn't know!" Rodney stuttered. John just snorted. That much was obvious.

"John..."

John waved Rodney's excuses away. "It doesn't matter, it's fine. It's done. You're happy, everyone's okay, and in the end that's all that matters."

Rodney huffed. "That is not all that matters! You aren't happy. How am I supposed to be happy when my best friend is miserable, and it's my fault!"

"I'm not miserable, Rodney," John protested. "You're overreacting."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

Rodney's jaw was clenched as he stared at John, but John was past caring at this point. He just wanted this conversation to be over. He wanted this day to be done. He was just so tired.

"John," Rodney finally said, and John looked up at the sudden tentative tone of Rodney's voice. Rodney was staring at him as if he'd just realized someone great...and scary. "Do you...feel free to tell me if I'm way off base here, but do you...are you..I mean...Okay, do you...love me? That's crazy, right? I mean you don't," Rodney trailed off at the look on John's face. "Oh. You... You love me?"

"It wasn't like I planned it," John defended himself.

"You love me?"

"Will you stop saying that!?"

Rodney finally seemed to pull himself out of his daze, walking closer to the bed. Unable to interpret whether the look in his eyes was good or bad, John braced himself in case the look was a precursor to a punch in the face.

Instead, John found himself with an arm full of Rodney as the man leapt on to the bed and crushed his lips against John's. John sat frozen in surprise for a few seconds, until his mind was able to process the current going-ons, and then he jumped into the present, pulling Rodney against his chest as he deepened the kiss. John brought his tongue to Rodney's mouth, tracing the seam of his lips until Rodney opened them slightly to allow John entrance. The taste of coffee, spaghetti, and something purely Rodney exploded in his mouth as John's tongue tangled with Rodney.

They remained in that position for what seemed like forever until Rodney pulled away and began to tug at John's shirt. "Off," he demanded, and John hurried to obey.

He then tried to remove his pants, before realizing that a cast might make that quite difficult.

"I got it," Rodney said as he bent over to divest John of his pants and boxers in one full swoop, leaving John naked while Rodney was fully dressed.

"You're wearing too many clothes," John panted, tugging at Rodney's shirt.

"Indeed I am. Let's fix that," Rodney agreed as he pulled off his own shirt, followed by his pants and underwear.

John sighed as Rodney settled himself over John, letting every part of their bodies match up to one another, feeling Rodney for the first time in what felt like years. This is what he'd missed. Well, the sex too, but more this, the intimacy and togetherness that came with being naked with another person and letting them see you, scars and all.

"John," Rodney whispered, bringing John back to the present.

"Yeah?" John asked.

Instead of answering verbally, Rodney began to kiss his way down John's chest, pausing to nibble at his nipples for a short while, before dropping down to where the short trail of hair began, leading to John's cock.

"Missed this," Rodney mumbled, as he nuzzled his face into the crease of John's leg and pelvis.

John swallowed roughly as he answered, "Me too." Now wasn't the time to get emotional. Now was the time for orgasms. Awesome orgasms. Amazing orgasms.

Rodney glanced up briefly at John before dragging his mouth down to swallow John's cock whole, humming lightly as he swirled his mouth up and down, driving John crazy.

John thrashed wildly as Rodney swallowed him down, hands fisted in the sheets to keep from grabbing onto Rodney. Rodney's mouth was pure heaven even when he'd been used to it on a regular basis. After months with only his hand as a form of release, the experience felt practically religious.

The shrine of Rodney.

Fitting, really.

John brought himself back to reality as he felt himself getting closer to the edge, finally bringing his hand down to tug lightly at Rodney's hair.

"What?" Rodney demanded as he brought his face up level with John's.

"I don't want to come too soon. I want to come with you."

Rodney's face softened as he told John, "We have plenty of time to worry about stuff like that. Right now, you have a broken leg, and need a way to unwind before we go to sleep. This is just for you, not me tonight. Plus, I want to do this for you."

John looked into Rodney's eyes, seeing the sincerity, before Rodney dropped back down, swallowing John to the root before he began a sucking motion that had John on the edge in no time. Once Rodney brought his hand into play, kneading John's balls softly, John was gone, shooting into Rodney's mouth.

Rodney swallowed every drop before slithering up John's body to rest his head on John's shoulder while John dropped a kiss onto his mouth and slid a hand across Rodney's broad shoulders. Rodney sighed contentedly, and appeared ready for sleep, but now that John's faculties were returning to him, John had to know one thing.

"What about Keller?" he asked.

Rodney was silent for a few seconds. "Jennifer is a great woman, and I was a lucky guy to have her. She was everything I could've wanted. Sweet, genuine, able to stand me for extended periods of time, smart- even if she was in that voodoo science of medicine."

John's eyes squeezed shut as he braced himself. "But she's not you." John's eyes popped open as he looked down to see Rodney's eyes on him, a smile turning his lips up. "She doesn't understand what Atlantis is, doesn't love it the same way as us, she wouldn't be able to save me the multitude of ways that you do. She wouldn't race cars with me, or drink beer on the pier with me. She was going to let me die when the parasite was in me. You, on the other hand...you wouldn't give up. You know me like no one else. You're...You're John Sheppard."

John felt himself blush as he looked away from Rodney's eyes to stare at the ceiling. That sounded like a declaration of love if he'd ever heard one.

"I'll just have to break things off with Jennifer," Rodney continued. "I'll explain to her that we just aren't compatible, and it wouldn't be fair to continue a relationship when our feelings our unequal. She's a scientist, of sorts, she should be able to understand, right?

John nodded his head. He hoped she would, at least. But as much as he might like Keller, he couldn't bring himself to worry too much. For once in his life, he had what he wanted. For once in his life, he might actually get to be happy. For once in his life, things were going his way, and John wasn't going to ruin that for anything.
Tags: genre: het, genre: slash, pairing: keller/mckay, pairing: mckay/sheppard
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